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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Shenandoah Valley Erupts in Chaos After Sarcastic Comment is Posted Without a Smiley Face

September 10, 2020 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA The Shenandoah Valley is in chaos this week, after Mr. Gerber posted a sarcastic comment on Facebook and failed to indicate his sarcasm with a smiley face emoji. “All I said was that […]

Unger & Thirst

Snake Loose in Grunthal

September 9, 2020 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB The town of Grunthal is in high alert this week after fifteen foot long python was seen chilling on the table during faspa after church. “But, then it just went missing,” said Mr. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Excommunicated After Washing Grandma’s Cast-Iron Skillet

September 8, 2020 Andrew

PLUM COULEE, MB Local man Albert Janz, 31, has been stripped off his church membership this week after committed the most heinous sin possible – washing a Mennonite Grandma’s cast-iron skillet. “I was just helping […]

Unger Conviction

Epic Fail! MBer and GCer Make Feeble Attempt at Singing the Doxology Together

September 7, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The CMU semester seemed to be off to a good start as Breanna, an MBer, and Paul, a GCer, started dating after sitting six feet away from each other in their “Intro to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Naive Manitoba Man Tries to Send a Text from Out by Sandilands Somewhere

September 6, 2020 Andrew

SANDILANDS, MB Local man Tim Giesbrecht, 41, was at the annual Giesbrecht wiener roast and horseshoes tournament at the ranger station in the Sandilands forest when he hauled out his phone between shots and attempted […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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