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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Wedding Venue Offers 10% Discount During Manure Spreading Season

May 2, 2025 Andrew

SCHANZENBLUM, SK Schazenblum’s favourite former dairy farm/wedding venue is now offering up to ten percent off rentals if you’re willing to get married during manure spreading season. “Come one come all to Schanzenblum Acres,” said […]

Unger Games

Jets Fans Pack Streets for Annual First Round Exit Party

April 30, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Jets fans are super excited to pack downtown Winnipeg this week for the annual First Round Exit Party. “It’s such an amazing atmosphere,” said Jets superfan Sam Fehr. “We all get together, wear […]

Unger the Influence

Area Man Can’t Figure Out Whether All the People Who Voted Differently than Him are Evil or Stupid

April 29, 2025 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC One area man is on a mission this afternoon to figure out whether people who saw things differently than him in the recent election are either utterly stupid or unredeemably evil. “About 58% […]

Unger the Influence

Area Man Single-handedly Turns Tide of Election By Posting Meme

April 28, 2025 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Area man Richard Epp, 71, has single-handedly turned the tide of the entire federal election after posting a political meme that got three likes this afternoon. “Well, three likes and an angry face,” […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Fills Out Welcome Card in Pen, Fearing Usher Might Erase Prayer Requests

April 27, 2025 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Area man Craig Peters, 48, asked his wife Lauren to fill her purse with ballpoint pens this Sunday to make sure his prayer requests got through. “I hear if you fill out the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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