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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Lottery Winner Given Rare Box of Christmas Oranges That Aren’t Stale or Rotten

December 26, 2025 Andrew

ALTONA, MB A small ceremony was held at the Altona Co-op this afternoon where Mrs. Neufeld was awarded a box of non-rotten and non-stale Christmas origins. “Wow, did you see that?” said Mrs. Kroeker, completely […]

The Daily Bonnet

Fancy City Mennonites Excited for their Giant Paper Bags Filled with Edamame

December 25, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Blame allergies or changing tastes, but the Mennonites of Winnipeg have now decided to fill paper bags filled with edamame instead of peanuts this year. “We’re also offering macadamia and pine nuts,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Quiz Time! Real News or Satire? 2025 Edition

December 24, 2025 Andrew

I used to do this annual quiz on the Daily Bonnet and I figured it was time to return to that tradition. So here it is, the annual news vs. satire quiz. Perfect to occupy […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Under Fire After Releasing Heavily Redacted Church Bulletin

December 22, 2025 Andrew

EPSTEINBACH, MB A local Mennonite church is facing a lot of criticism this week after the Sunday bulletin was released in a heavily redacted form. “All 4 pages were blacked out,” said Mrs. Loewen, who […]

Unger Suspicion

Staunch Leftist Destroys Capitalism Aboard $60 Million Private Jet

December 21, 2025 Andrew

BOSTON, MA Renowned anarcho-syndicalist and fierce critic of American foreign policy, professor Noam Chomsky has disclosed his newest and most effective strategy to destroy capitalism–being whisked away in a private jet by Jeffrey Epstein. “See, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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