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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage

August 14, 2026 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Thousands of Mennonites are barely surviving this summer after a shortage of cottage cheese has left them without the necessary sustenance for life. “My Henry’s a fighter, but I’m just not sure how […]

Unger Suspicion

World’s Sturdiest Ice Maker Lasts a Record Three Days

August 13, 2026 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mrs. Janzen impressed everyone in Leamington this afternoon after the ice maker on her brand new refrigerator lasted all the way to mid-week. “I’ve never seen such impressive performance,” said Mrs. Janzen. “Normally […]

Unger Conviction

Eclipse Glasses Required to Safely View Sunday’s Worship Service

August 12, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Waters of Blessing, an area church well known for its mind-blowing worship hour, is urging parishioners to bring their eclipse glasses along to this weekend’s service. “We’ve heard your cries for more total […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Forgets to Put Star Anise in Her Chicken Soup

August 11, 2026 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Toews was so thoroughly embarrassed with her failure to add star anise to her chicken soup at the soup and pie fundraiser this past week that she has vowed never to make […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Buys Back All the Albums He Was Forced to Burn in the 70s

August 10, 2026 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK It’s taken him more than four decades, but local music fan Steve Goosen has finally re-purchased all the albums he tossed on the bonfire at that fateful youth retreat back in 1979. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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