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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Massive Usher Shortage Shuts Down Mennonite Church this Summer

July 16, 2023 Andrew

YARROW, BC A Mennonite church in Yarrow, British Columbia has had to shutter its doors for the summer after they couldn’t find a single person willing to fold the bulletins or take Mrs. Driedger by […]

Unger Games

Green Flag Drops for the Russlaender 100

July 15, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB And they’re off! After consuming a hearty breakfast, racers gathered at the starting line this morning just outside the Fort Garry Hotel in Winnipeg. The Russlaender 100 will see the world’s top Mennonite […]

Unger & Thirst

Local KFC Sees 50% Reduction in Diarrhea After Getting Rid of Taco Bell

July 13, 2023 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Students at Anabaptist Mennonite Theological Seminary in Elkhart have reported a significant reduction in diarrhea cases this semester after the local KFC kicked out the adjoining Taco Bell. “Quite frankly, it’s a relief,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Strangers on Russlaender Train Agree to Swap Recipes

July 12, 2023 Andrew

SOMEWHERE IN NORTHERN ONTARIO, ON In what has been described as the most nefarious plot in Mennonite history, two complete strangers on the Russlaender 100th Anniversary train trip across Canada have agreed to swap zwieback […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Goldeyes Take Over First Place in American League Central

July 11, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After months of speculation about who would emerge as the dominant team in the lowly American League Central, an unexpected victor has emerged – the Winnipeg Goldeyes. “Finally, someone in that division is […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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