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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Gather in Steinbach for Annual Meeting of Double Cousins

August 16, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB More than three thousand people packed the picnic shelter at AD Penner Park in Steinbach this weekend for the annual gathering of double first cousins. “My mom and her two sisters each married […]

Unger the Influence

USA Sells Alaska Back to Russia for $7.2 Million

August 15, 2025 Andrew

ANCHORAGE, AK After three hours of heated meetings, Trump has agreed to sell Alaska back to Russia for just over 7 million dollars. “No one makes bigger real estate deals than me,” said Trump. “Not […]

The Daily Bonnet

Chappell Roan to Settle Down in Modest Swift Current Bungalow

August 14, 2025 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Pop sensation Chappell Roan is making good on her promise to move to Saskatchewan with the purchase of a lovely bungalow on Walker Street in Swift Current. “There’s a creek nearby and […]

Unger Suspicion

AOL Ends Dial-Up Internet Mere Days After Mennonite Man Signed Up For It

August 13, 2025 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Area man Bob Unruh was excited to join the Internet age this week only to discover a couple days later that his snazzy new dial-up connection was being cut off. “Oba, America Online? […]

Unger the Influence

Trump Deploys National Guard to Goessel, Kansas

August 12, 2025 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS After a crime wave in recent months, President Trump has deployed the National Guard to the small Mennonite farming town of Goessel, Kansas. “We’ve gotta get those Hiebert boys under control,” said President […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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