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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Car Manages to Stay Clean for a Record Two Minutes After Leaving Car Wash

March 15, 2024 Andrew

BRANDON, MB Area woman Diane Fuchs has set a Western Manitoba record this afternoon after managing to keep her CR-V clean for a full two minutes and 14 seconds after leaving the car wash. “It […]

Unger Suspicion

Protestors Demand that Taylor Swift Get Around in this 1987 Plymouth

March 14, 2024 Andrew

WEST READING, PA Disgusted by her use of a private jet, protestors are demanding that pop star Taylor Swift confine all travel to an old rusty Plymouth. “Got to get from Tokyo to Las Vegas […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Feeds Entire Family for a Week on One Little Caesars Pizza

March 11, 2024 Andrew

BLUMENORT, SK Area woman Tammy Dueck has perfected the art of making one Little Caesars pizza feed her growing family of 8 for an entire week. “I send one piece along with Dan for his […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman Selects Taylor Swift to Take Home Best Picture at the Grammy’s Tonight

March 10, 2024 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA The stars are arriving in Hollywood tonight for the 96th annual Grammy Awards. For Mrs. Martens of Saskatoon, this means she’ll be frantically trying to fill out her ballot. “It’s hard to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Relieved to be Going Back to Celebrating Men for the Next 364 Days

March 9, 2024 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB After a full 24 hours of celebrating the contributions of various women in his life, Mr. Doerksen of La Crete is relieved to be going back to normal life and celebrating men […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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