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Articles by Andrew

Unger Games

Maple Leafs Hire Loblaws CEO Galen Weston to Artificially Inflate Fan Expectations

May 13, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON A few short days after being tossed from the playoffs and firing yet another head coach, the Toronto Maple Leafs have announced the signing of Loblaws CEO Galen Weston, renowned across the country […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Women Required to Have their Purses Checked as They Exit Buffet Restaurant

May 12, 2024 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK The popular Mother’s Day buffet at Happy Hamm’s Palace of Ham left some folks in a bit of a sour mood this Sunday, as the restaurant inspected each and every purse that left […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Families Camp Overnight for Mother’s Day Buffet

May 11, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Dozens of families spilled out into neighbouring canola fields this evening in anticipation of tomorrow’s Mother’s Day buffet at the MHV. “Oba, look at those Kroekers way in the back there,” said Mrs. […]

Unger the Influence

Angry MP Calls Yerba Mate Gourds ‘Woke’

May 9, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Conservative MP Lindsey Rude says she’s sick and tired of all the environmentally-friendly yerba mate gourds she sees around town. “The gourds are bad enough,” said Rude, “but they’ve even got those woke […]

Unger Suspicion

Beta Male Finally Switches to VHS

May 8, 2024 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Dave Miller, 31, of Goshen has been a devout Beta male ever since he inherited his grandfather’s VCR and collection of Smokey and the Bandit movies from the 80s. “And people say being […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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