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Month: August 2026

Unger Suspicion

Trump Threatens to Rename Lake Winnipeg if Wab Kinew Doesn’t Stop Saying Mean Things About Him

August 25, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB It seems US President Donald Trump has resorted to the most powerful weapon in his playbook -renaming bodies of water. “Starting tomorrow I am ordering all school children to scribble out the name […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Demand Low German on Cereal Boxes

August 24, 2026 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Sick and tired to accidentally buying puffed wheat when what they wanted was Froot Loops, Mennonites in Canada are demanding that Low German be added to cereal boxes across the country. “Plus, it’ll […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Gifts Wife Wrong Kind Of Dutch Oven

August 23, 2026 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area man Mark Bueckert was pretty excited that his wife Linda had asked for a “dutch oven” for their anniversary this year. However, Linda did not receive the kind of dutch oven she […]

Unger Suspicion

Howard Lutnick Successfully Negotiates Massive $20 Billion Distraction From Epstein Island

August 22, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Just as negotiations between Canada and the US seemed like they were coming to a close, US Secretary of Commerce Howard Lutnick intervened at the last minute to create a massive $20 billion […]

Unger & Thirst

Canada Agrees To Allow American Booze But Only If It’s All Pappy Van Winkle

August 21, 2026 Andrew

TORONTO, ON LCBO stores across Ontario were flooded with American booze this afternoon, with a shocking amount of high end bourbon. Apparently, Canadians insisted that if they were going to put American booze back on […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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