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Month: February 2025

Unger the Influence

Elon Musk Accidentally Fires Himself

February 18, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC President Musk has been so busy haphazardly cutting government workers that he inadvertently fired himself this afternoon. “And the problem is it all happened so fast that now I can’t even hire myself […]

Unger Conviction

They’ve Totally Changed All the Lyrics to 606

February 17, 2025 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA After opening up their hymnals for the first time in several years, parishioners at the Central Harrisonburg Mennonite Church were mortified to discover that they’d totally changed nearly every single word in the […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Winkler Costco to Open Up on West End of Winnipeg

February 16, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Winkler is finally getting its own Costco store, which will be conveniently located just an hour and a half away in Winnipeg. “Finally, Winkler’s getting a Costco!” proclaimed local man John Penner. “It’s […]

Unger the Influence

Master Negotiator Donald Trump to Give Putin Whatever the Hell He Wants

February 13, 2025 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA US President Donald Trump is known for his incredible negotiating prowess, which has been on full display this week with Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. “No one could have done it but me. No […]

Unger Games

Hutterite Colony Team to Join NHL’s 4 Nations Face-Off

February 12, 2025 Andrew

BAKER COLONY, MB After dominating play throughout southern Manitoba in recent years, a Hutterite women’s hockey team has signed on as a last minute addition to the NHL’s 4 Nations Face-Off. “We’re calling it 5 […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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