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Month: January 2025

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Celebrates 500 Years of Anabaptism By Getting Baptized 500 Times

January 20, 2025 Andrew

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS Devout Mennonite and local tulip farmer Aldert Alderliesten decided he would commemorate 500 years of Anabaptism by setting the Guinness World Record for most successive baptisms. “The previous record was George Blaurock in […]

Unger Suspicion

“There’s nothing to do in this town,” says man who does nothing anyway

January 19, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area resident Dave Friesen, 22, is of the opinion that there’s absolutely “nothing to do” in his small 20,000-person city of Steinbach and vows to stay huddled up in his mom’s basement playing […]

Unger Games

20-Knipser Pileup Just Outside Blumenort

January 17, 2025 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Bad weather this weekend led to a massive pileup of knipsers in the Blumenort church basement multi-purpose room. “First there were just one or two knipsers in the 15-point zone, but it didn’t […]

Unger Conviction

Chaos Erupts in Church Kitchen After Label Maker Goes On the Fritz

January 16, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB It was absolute mayhem in the Third Mennonite Church basement in Winkler this week after the trusty old Dymo label maker finally kicked the bucket. “Slowly but surely the labels had been falling […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Teens Switch to Low German After Swearing Ban in Taber

January 14, 2025 Andrew

TABER, AB Several years ago, the small Mennonite town of Taber drew headlines across the globe for banning swearing. Haven’t heard from them lately? Well, that’s because local teens hanging out in parking lots have […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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