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Month: January 2025

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Celebrates 500 Years of Anabaptism By Getting Baptized 500 Times

January 20, 2025 Andrew

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS Devout Mennonite and local tulip farmer Aldert Alderliesten decided he would commemorate 500 years of Anabaptism by setting the Guinness World Record for most successive baptisms. “The previous record was George Blaurock in […]

Unger Suspicion

“There’s nothing to do in this town,” says man who does nothing anyway

January 19, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area resident Dave Friesen, 22, is of the opinion that there’s absolutely “nothing to do” in his small 20,000-person city of Steinbach and vows to stay huddled up in his mom’s basement playing […]

Unger Conviction

Chaos Erupts in Church Kitchen After Label Maker Goes On the Fritz

January 16, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB It was absolute mayhem in the Third Mennonite Church basement in Winkler this week after the trusty old Dymo label maker finally kicked the bucket. “Slowly but surely the labels had been falling […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Teens Switch to Low German After Swearing Ban in Taber

January 14, 2025 Andrew

TABER, AB Several years ago, the small Mennonite town of Taber drew headlines across the globe for banning swearing. Haven’t heard from them lately? Well, that’s because local teens hanging out in parking lots have […]

Unger the Influence

Random Mennonite Guy Named Dwayne Only One Willing to Run for Leadership of the Liberal Party

January 12, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON With a guaranteed loss in the upcoming federal election, the Liberal Party of Canada is stuck with just one leadership candidate – retired dairy farmer Dwayne Kehler of Schazenfeld, Manitoba. “I’m not even […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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