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Month: November 2022

Unger Suspicion

Two Canadians Bump Into Each Other, Both Say “I’m Sorry”

November 25, 2022 Andrew

HAMILTON, ON On a busy Hamilton street this afternoon, two Canadian were texting as they walked and slammed right into one another, both loudly proclaiming that they were “sorry, buddy.” “This is impossible. It had […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Woman’s Passport Expires Before It Even Arrives

November 24, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Area woman Mavis Eby, 61, just received her passport in the mail this morning only to find that it was already expired. “You know, this is really frustrating,” said Eby. “I thought when […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Desperate to Find Some Relation to Davy Klaassen

November 23, 2022 Andrew

LOMA PLATA, PARAGUAY Moments after Dutch midfielder Davy Klaasen scored his first World Cup goal, millions of Mennonites scoured their family history books to see if maybe, just maybe, they were somehow related. “Oba, well, […]

Unger Suspicion

Toronto Argos Celebrate Victory with Reception in Mennonite Church Basement

November 21, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The Grey Cup-winning Toronto Argonauts gathered at the South Toronto Mennonite Church basement this afternoon for a lovely celebration that included a delightful array of buns with jam and several fans. “Thanks, everyone, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Church Accused of Serving Weak Coffee

November 20, 2022 Andrew

GNADENTHAL, MB An area Mennonite church has been called before the local ministerial this week for “watering down the true essence of our faith” by serving “such weak coffee that even the Lutherans would not […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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