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Month: April 2022

Unger Conviction

Meet the ‘Steinbach Reads’ 2022 Contenders: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John

April 25, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It’s an annual tradition in Steinbach. Every year enthusiastic local readers defend a choice of book and the final book is required reading for the entire community. This year, the panel will be […]

Unger & Thirst

Faint Line Indicates Presence of Knackzoat in the Blood

April 24, 2022 Andrew

WALDHEIM, SK Mr. Derek Wiebe of Waldheim, Saskatchewan is just one in a long line of local residents who’ve tested positive for knackzoat in recent weeks. “I waited the full 15 minutes and it was […]

Unger Suspicion

Tucker Carlson to Mennonite Men: “Make Sure to Smoke Your Sausage”

April 23, 2022 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Fox News pundit Tucker Carlson is urging low-testosterone Mennonite men to “stick your sausage in a smoker pronto.” “This is no laughing matter,” said Carlson, who claims 1 in 3 men now […]

Unger & Thirst

Rhubarb Sauce Discovered on Mennonite Man’s Perogies

April 22, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area man Art Wiens, 59, was shocked to discover a dollop of what appeared to be rhubarb sauce on his vereniki this week. “Diewel, Dietschlaund, Schinda! I’m not sure where this rhubarb sauce […]

Unger Conviction

GCer Wins Safe Passage Through Treacherous Fraser Valley Full of MBers

April 21, 2022 Andrew

GREENDALE, BC Art from Rosthern, self-proclaimed king of the GCers, was travelling through the Fraser Valley this week en route to Vancouver, where he heard he just might find the Holy Grail or at least […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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