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Month: November 2019

Unger & Thirst

Feds to Open Forty New Safe Schmaunt Fat Injection Sites

November 21, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The federal government just announced this week a plan to open up more than forty supervised injection sites in Mennonite communities around the country. “We’re going to provide people with cottage cheese and […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Sets Up Rival Cheesesteak Shop Right Between Pat’s and Geno’s

November 20, 2019 Andrew

PHILADELPHIA, PA Residents of South Philadelphia have strong opinions about who makes the best cheesesteak, Pat’s or Geno’s. Fans are so passionate about their cheesesteaks that the occasional fight is known to break out between […]

Unger & Thirst

“Buying Crackers is For Suckers!” Claims Mennonite Woman

November 19, 2019 Andrew

CARMAN,MB Local woman Mrs. Schellenberg, 68, of Carman has amassed a stockpile of more than 10,000 packages of Premium Plus crackers that she’s swiped from local restaurants over the past twenty years. “Buying crackers is […]

Quizzes

The Impossibly Difficult Mennonite Quiz!

November 18, 2019 Andrew

Alright, so I’ve heard I’ve been making these quizzes too easy or something and Oma Wiebe says some of you are getting a bit too proud. “They need to be taken down a notch,” says […]

Unger Conviction

Elders Warn that Morden, Manitoba is Full of ‘Aufjefollna’ Mennonites

November 17, 2019 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Cousin Pieta of Reinland was spotted cruising down the highway to Morden this past week and was immediately branded as ‘aufaulle‘ by the village purity committee. “Diestchlaund, that cousin Pieta, heading to Morden […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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