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Month: December 2018

Unger & Thirst

No Tüte for Naughty Uncle Corny This Year

December 26, 2018 Andrew

BLUMENFELD, SK Grandma Peters has left Uncle Corny off the tüte list this year after it was discovered he had slept in and missed church three times over the past year. According to sources close to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Children Excited to Be Able to Say “Ox and Ass” Without Punishment Today

December 25, 2018 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Mennonite children around the globe are excited for that one day a year when they receive presents, eat chocolate, and can say the word “ass” with impunity, at least within the context of […]

Quizzes

It’s the 2018 Daily Bonnet Quiz!

December 25, 2018 Andrew

By now the Daily Bonnet quiz is a well-established Mennonite Christmas tradition like gospel tracts in the stockings and past-their-prime oranges in the tutyas. So, let’s see how you did this year. All you have […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Bravely Opts to Forgo Candle Drip-Guard

December 24, 2018 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Brave Mrs. Allison Koop, 41, decided to toss away the paper candle-wax guard during tonight’s Christmas Eve service. Koop is widely regarded as the toughest woman in Mountain Lake for her ability […]

The Daily Bonnet

How the Gingerich Stole Christmas

December 23, 2018 Andrew

BY: DR.STOLTZFUS Every Menno down in Waterloo liked Christmas a lot, Except for Mr. Gingerich who certainly DID NOT! Gingerich hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! The gifts and the songs and that old Mrs. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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