WASHINGTON, DC
A team of Mennonites has been flown into Washington this week with the express purpose of shunning Jimmy Kimmel.
“We’ve got them working around the clock. Frowny faces. Shaking their heads in disgust. You name it,” said Trump. “We’re even going to have them invite and then uninvite Jimmy to a Sunday lunch.”
The team of Mennonites has also been tasked with shutting off any television stations that the President doesn’t like.
“I’ve been shutting off the TV in disgust for decades,” said Mr. Yoder. “Quite frankly, I had trouble figuring out how to turn it on the first place.”
The Mennonite shunners say they have never heard of Kimmel before and have no idea what he’s being shunned for, which means the rationale is only slightly less coherent than all the other people they’ve shunned over the years.