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wealth

Unger Suspicion

Musk Tries Desperately to Squeeze Camel Through Eye of This Needle

June 14, 2026 Andrew

STARBASE, TX Hours after becoming the world’s first trillionaire, Elon Musk was spotted desperately trying to squeeze his pet camel Jacob through the eye of Mrs. Siemens’s sewing needle. “I’m putting all my top engineers […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man with Million-dollar Tractor Stakes a Stand Against “Pride”

June 13, 2026 Andrew

WINKLER, MB With Pembina Valley Pride hosting their first ever rally in Winkler this afternoon, some locals are upset, saying that even the name of the organization is a problem. “I mean, people can live […]

Unger Conviction

The Daily Bonnet Asks: Can You Be Both Christian and Rich?

June 11, 2022 Andrew

It’s a slippery slope. First they said it was okay in the outside world. Then they said we should tolerate them. Now they’re trying to infiltrate our churches. That’s right. Rich people. Don’t get me […]

Unger Suspicion

Generous Jeff Bezos Donates Two Thimbles and a Couple Spools of Thread to Mennonite Quilt Charity

January 19, 2020 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA Already hailed as the “world’s most generous billionaire” after donating the equivalent to what he earns in five minutes to help with Australian wildfires, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos has now donated two thimbles […]

Unger Conviction

Wealthy Mennonites Bribe Their Way Into All the Best Sunday Schools

March 15, 2019 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The Yoder family of Goshen is just one of dozens of Mennonite families who found themselves in the midst of the largest Sunday school admissions scandal in Mennonite church history. From 2015-2018, the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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