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red river

The Daily Bonnet

Dolphins Return to Southern Manitoba for First Time in Centuries

April 30, 2020 Andrew

MORRIS, MB A pod of playful dolphins was spotted in the Red River near Morris this week, the first time they’ve visited the area since Mennonite settlers arrived in the 1870s. “They’re cropping up everywhere,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Rosenort Couple Faces Existential Crisis: Are We Jantsied or Ditsied?

November 8, 2018 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB The Loewens of Rosenort have been facing considerable anxiety over the last few years trying to figure out whether they’re Jantsied or Ditsied. The conundrum has caused such stress that the Loewens have […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Man Survives Three Days and Three Nights in the Belly of a Red River Catfish

September 9, 2018 Andrew

LOCKPORT, MB Local man Jonah Neufeld, 35, of West Kildonan was out fishing at Lockport with his buddies Darrel Froese and Joel Peters this past weekend, when he was suddenly pulled into the Red River […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Man Survives Eating Fish Caught in Red River

May 13, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Despite the large quantities of raw sewage that’s routinely dumped into the river, local man Alexander Penner of North Kildonan decided that eating a fish caught in this delightfully polluted river was a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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