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pacifism

Unger Suspicion

Discovery Channel’s Documentary on ‘Pacifist Sharks’ is ‘Most Boring’ Program Ever Aired During Shark Week

July 28, 2018 Andrew

MIAMI, FL The Discovery Channel’s annual ‘Shark Week’ usually features numerous fascinating documentaries about the underwater killing machines, full of exciting decapitations and mutilations that keep audiences on the edge of their seats. This year, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Release New Version of American National Anthem, ‘The Flower-Spangled Bonnet’

July 4, 2018 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN In order to celebrate the 4th of July, the American Mennonite community has commissioned famed Mennonite songwriter Francis Scott Hostetler to write a new national anthem. “This is one even us Mennonites will […]

The Daily Bonnet

Plastic Straw Ban Leaves Pacifist Mennonites Completely Defenceless

June 21, 2018 Andrew

BERNE, IN In recent weeks, cities across the country have banned plastic straws because of their environmental impact. While many are supportive of the idea, there has been some resistance, particularly from the nation’s 500,000 […]

Unger Suspicion

A List of Things Erroneously Blamed on Violent Video Games

March 13, 2018 Andrew

Even though there is absolutely no evidence to back up these claims, politicians across the United States have been clamouring to blame violent video games on the increasing violent behaviour in American society. It’s a […]

Unger Suspicion

New Evidence Suggests Second Amendment Was All Just Satire

February 24, 2018 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Historians at a prominent American university have uncovered evidence that may radically alter our perception of the supposed “right to keep and bear arms.” According to recently uncovered documents, the entire Second Amendment […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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