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Unger & Thirst

Poland and Ukraine Unite to Sue Mennonites for Stealing Perogy Recipe

October 25, 2016 Andrew

KIEV, UKRAINE Perogies. Pierogi. Vereniki. Varenyky. Call it what you want, but the boiled dough pockets beloved by Mennonites are undoubtedly of Eastern European origin. The fact that so-called “Russian” Mennonites have laid claim to the delicacy has […]

Unger & Thirst

All Steinbach Bars to Be Annexed By Neighbouring Municipality

October 6, 2016 Andrew

LA BROQUERIE, MB Voters in the rural municipality of La Broquerie have approved a motion this week to annex all the bars and lounges in the neighbouring Mennonite city of Steinbach. “Back when Steinbach was […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Mennonite Police Force to Shun Criminals

September 25, 2016 Andrew

FREEDOMVILLE, PA A troubled American city with a history of conflict between police and civilians has decided to try out a new law enforcement and public relations strategy: replace the existing police force with unarmed pacifist […]

Unger Suspicion

French Police Arrest Mennonite Women for Not Dressing Sexy Enough at the Beach

August 26, 2016 Andrew

CANNES, FRANCE In an effort to enforce their arbitrary and inconsistent definition of secularism, the French government is now cracking down on Mennonite women who are “not dressed nearly sexy enough to be at the beach.” […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Trudeau Confuses Yerba Mate for Marijuana

August 12, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB On a recent visit to the small Mennonite city of Steinbach, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who was elected last fall on a promise to legalize marijuana, mistook a yerba mate gourd offered to him […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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