The Unger Review
  • Sections
    • The Daily Bonnet
    • Headline Contest
    • Unger Conviction
    • Unger Games
    • Unger the Influence
    • Unger Suspicion
    • Unger & Thirst
  • Mennotoba
  • The Daily Bonnet
  • The Best of the Bonnet
  • About
  • Merch
  • Andrew Unger

heaven

Unger Suspicion

Deceased Mennonite Man Shocked to Encounter Ozzy Osbourne

July 24, 2025 Andrew

HEAVEN Pastor David Thiessen, who passed away more than 30 years ago, was shocked to discover that heavy metal icon Ozzy Osbourne had joined him in Heaven this week. “I’m more than a little surprised, […]

Unger Conviction

Deceased Members of “One True Church” Find Heaven Super Lonely

November 27, 2020 Andrew

HEAVEN Deceased members of a local congregation claiming to have “figured it all out once and for all back in 1973” have found Heaven super boring and lonely. “I’ve been up here since the summer […]

Unger Conviction

Man Escapes Mennonite Section of Heaven, Shocked at What He Finds

December 30, 2017 Andrew

HEAVEN Mr. Abe Penner passed away in January 1968 and, for almost fifty years, had been living a quiet peaceful existence in the Mennonite section of Heaven, blissfully unaware of the vast expanse of Paradise […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Earns Place in Heaven after Attending Evening Service

February 25, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Local man Henry Harder has guaranteed himself a spot in Heaven after successfully attending those really boring Sunday evening church services for twenty years straight. “I’ve made it! I’ve finally made it!” shouted […]

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

More from the unger review

  • City’s Top Chef Mortified to Discover His ‘Charcuterie Board’ is Just Glorified Faspa
    May 21, 2021
  • Man Waving from Undecorated Pickup Truck Wins Top Prize at Steinbach Parade
    August 4, 2023
  • Mennonite Couple Celebrates Anniversary By Ordering the Cheapest Thing on the Menu
    August 24, 2018
  • Outfield Completely Blanketed in Knackzoat After Winkler Man Makes Major Leagues
    August 10, 2025
  • Kevin O’Leary Encourages Mennonites to ‘Work Harder, Make More Money, Be More Industrious’
    November 12, 2016

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

HOME OF

Copyright © 2025 The Unger Review - All Rights Reserved