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Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Dies After Serving on One Too Many Church Committees

October 22, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Local woman Mrs. Dorothy Shenk, 71, passed away this week after being asked to serve on yet another church committee. Before her untimely death by committee, Mrs. Shenk was happily serving on the […]

Unger Suspicion

Drake to Read Local Funeral Announcements

May 11, 2017 Andrew

DALMENY, SK A local radio station has hired Canadian rap sensation Drake to read the funeral announcements while the regular host is on vacation. “We’re really excited to get Drake in here to spice things […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Woman Introduces New ‘Extra Sour’ Funeral Pickles

April 30, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area woman Susanna Koop has recently hauled out a batch of ‘extra sour’ pickles from her cellar that she feels will go over well at local funerals this spring. “Springtime funeral-goers in Mennonite […]

Unger Suspicion

2016 Takes Yet Another Celebrity Grandma’s Never Heard Of

December 29, 2016 Andrew

ROSETOWN, MB 2016 was quite the year for deaths of famous people that Grandma Wiebe, 88, of Rosetown, “has just never heard of.”  From David Bowie and Prince, to Leonard Cohen and Carrie Fisher, literally dozens of […]

Unger & Thirst

Congregation Votes to Continue Serving Raisin Buns at Funerals

October 22, 2016 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Tempers flared at the Mennonite church last night, after rogue elder Gunther W. Thiessen put forward a motion to replace the traditional funeral raisin buns with store-bought dinner rolls. “Some of us don’t like […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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