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Unger the Influence

Alberta Introduces New “School-Appropriate” Bibles Without ‘Song of Solomon’

July 11, 2025 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB In an effort to “balance religious freedoms with the need to protect our children,” the Alberta Ministry of Edumacation has decided to churn out snazzy new Bibles that exclude anything that might be […]

Unger Conviction

Area Man Supports “Biblical Marriage” By Obtaining 700 Wives and 300 Concubines

June 11, 2025 Andrew

AUGUSTA, GA Staunch “Biblical literalist” Dave Wright, 61, has finally accomplished his goal of living out the model of marriage as clearly established in the Bible. “I’ve been collecting wives over the past few years […]

The Daily Bonnet

Area Woman Accidentally Posts Something Positive and Uplifting on Social Media

May 19, 2025 Andrew

TABER, AB After months of non-stop angry political posts, Mrs. Goertzen of Taber accidentally shared an inspirational scripture verse on Facebook this morning. “Oba, how did Philippians 4:6-7 get in there!” yelled Mrs. Goertzen. “I […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Kids Forced to Recite Poem in Order to Get Christmas Present

December 17, 2024 Andrew

ROSETOWN, MB Young Steven Froese of Rosetown found himself without a poem or Bible verse to share at the gathering this Christmas, which resulted in the six-year-old going home completely empty handed. “Ugh, I guess […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Leads Mass Exodus from Twitter

November 25, 2024 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Area man Moses Schwartzentruber has led a large group of Mennonites off of Twitter in search of bluer skies. The exodus began after pleading with Pharoah Elon to stop being such an ass […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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