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astronomy

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man to Circle the Earth For Next Two Months, Causing Mini-moon

October 1, 2024 Andrew

EARTH A Mennonite man will be circling the Earth for the next two months, causing what scientists are calling a “mini-moon.” “It’s not as large as the moon we usually see,” said Neil DeGrasse Tyson, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Experts Warn Mennonites Against Using Homemade Eclipse Glasses

April 7, 2024 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Not wanting to shell out the cash for real eclipse glasses, thousands of Mennonites in southern Ontario have taken to crafting protective eyewear of their own. Peter Wiens of Leamington, for example, says […]

Unger Conviction

Blood Moon ‘A Sign From God’ that the Reign of the Fundamentalist Mennonite Elders Has Come to an End

July 27, 2018 Andrew

BERGTHAL, MB Conservative Mennonites across North America are interpreting tonight’s blood moon as a ‘clear sign from God’ that they no longer have to follow the ‘bullshit rules’ of the elders and can now live […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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