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The Daily Bonnet

Swear Words Discovered in Rudy Wiebe Novel

November 29, 2024 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Church librarian Margaret Pankratz nearly fainted this afternoon after discovering several “f bombs” and a few “a words” in a copy of the Rudy Wiebe classic The Blue Mountains of China that she […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesens Blamed for Manitoba’s Harsh Winters

November 28, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB A recent study showed that Friesen was the most common surname in Manitoba, beating out such favourites as Wiebe, Klassen, and even Smith. The study came as no surprise for local meteorologists who […]

Unger Suspicion

Presents from Santa Delayed Until March this Year

November 27, 2024 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Millions of Canadians have resorted to deceiving their children this Christmas. And not in the usual way like telling them that Santa exists. This year, parents have had to turn back the calendars […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor to Enact 25% Tithe on First Day in Office

November 26, 2024 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Pastor David, whose name was recently pulled from the hat this past week, has threatened to enact a whopping 25% tithe starting his first day in office this January. “No more of this […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Leads Mass Exodus from Twitter

November 25, 2024 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Area man Moses Schwartzentruber has led a large group of Mennonites off of Twitter in search of bluer skies. The exodus began after pleading with Pharoah Elon to stop being such an ass […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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