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Unger & Thirst

New Mennonite EpiPen Injects Emergency Supply of Schmaunt Fat

October 27, 2016 Andrew

PLUM COULEE, MB Mennonites throughout southern Manitoba have been lining up outside local pharmacies to get their hands on a newly redesigned EpiPen that injects an emergency supply of schmaunt fat straight into the user’s […]

Unger Suspicion

DNA Testing Reveals Theologian Greg Boyd to be ‘90% Mennonite’

October 26, 2016 Andrew

ST. PAUL, MN After sending away for one of those DNA home testing kits, Greg Boyd, renowned author and pastor of Woodland Hills Church in St. Paul, discovered he was almost entirely Mennonite. The new improved […]

Unger Suspicion

For Some Strange Reason Canadians are Really Excited About A Foreign Country’s Presidential Election

October 26, 2016 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Canadians from coast-to-coast have been glued to their television sets this fall watching coverage of the upcoming Presidential election in Bulgaria. “Canadians can’t get enough of the bickering back and forth between frontrunners […]

Unger & Thirst

Poland and Ukraine Unite to Sue Mennonites for Stealing Perogy Recipe

October 25, 2016 Andrew

KIEV, UKRAINE Perogies. Pierogi. Vereniki. Varenyky. Call it what you want, but the boiled dough pockets beloved by Mennonites are undoubtedly of Eastern European origin. The fact that so-called “Russian” Mennonites have laid claim to the delicacy has […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Collect Hundreds of Empty Shoe Boxes to Send Overseas

October 23, 2016 Andrew

REINFELD, MB Generous Mennonites throughout the Reinfeld area will once again be collecting empty shoeboxes this year to send to needy children in time for the holidays. “Many people stuff the shoeboxes with clothes, books, and other […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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