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Unger & Thirst

Anti-Fracking Protestors Shut Down Schmaunt Fat Production

September 17, 2018 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Dozens of angry protestors showed up to La Crete City Hall this past week to protest the fracking of schmaunt fat. “Fracking is an unsafe method of schmaunt fat extraction,” said Billy […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Choir Reveals New Third Jersey

September 16, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Osterwick Old Colony Choir and Farmer Sausage Co-operative has revealed a new alternate jersey for the 2018-2019 season. The new jersey, which contains purple flowers rather than the regular blue or yellow, […]

The Daily Bonnet

A List of the Best Items Available at Mrs. Friesen’s Garage Sale This Weekend

September 15, 2018 Andrew

KRONSGART, MB One of the perks of writing the Daily Bonnet is that you get early access to garage sales. So, I’ve been scouting out all the local garage sales and I’m here to provide […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Quilting Ladies Accidentally Attend Metallica Concert

September 14, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The ladies from the Winkler EMMB Quilting Group were heading into the city on one of their monthly outings. They had intended to attend a panel discussion at the Millennium Library, when a […]

Unger & Thirst

Custodian at Local Senior’s Home Can’t Get the Smell of Roll Kuchen Out of the Hallway

September 13, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The hallways at Menno Garden Manor still smell strongly of cooking oil after half a dozen women all decided to fry up some roll kuchen on the very same day. Mr. Pankratz, a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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