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The Daily Bonnet

There’s No Reimer Friesen for Mennonite Man’s Actions

June 13, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mr. Dueck was behaving very strangely during faspa on Sunday afternoon. His behaviour was so unusual, in fact, that other guests said there was absolutely no Reimer Friesen for it. “I get it, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Gets Suckered Into Attending Wedding Shower

June 12, 2019 Andrew

TABER, AB Peter Toews, 25, of Taber was ready to spend his Sunday afternoon playing fastball and drinking lite beer with his cousins, but at the last minute he was informed by his wife of […]

Unger Conviction

Long Lost Hymn 606 Discovered on Page 118

June 10, 2019 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA Mennonites are in celebration this week after a beloved hymn has been uncovered in a little used section of the hymnal. After a decade long investigation into the whereabouts of Hymn 606, investigators […]

Unger Suspicion

Seven Ways the Canadian Senate is Just Like Your Mennonite Elder Board

June 9, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Ahh, the Canadian Senate, a collection of old irrelevant out-of-touch people who somehow have the power to make decisions around here…oh, wait, are we talking about the elder board? Well, there are some […]

Unger Suspicion

Toronto Raptors Hire New Trajchtmoaka

June 8, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After witnessing the incredible healing powers of his touch, hip-hop superstar and NBA megafan Drake has been hired by the Toronto Raptors as official team trajchtmoaka. “It’s a new position for us. Something […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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