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The Daily Bonnet

Word Bird Gives Fred Penner Plautdietsch Word

January 15, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Producers were scrambling on the set of Fred Penner’s Place this week after the beloved children’s entertainer was given the Low German word “gnurpel” by the Word Bird. “Waut de schissjat is going […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipegers Rush to Get their Hands on the Cheapest Nosebleed Seats

January 13, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Moments after tickets for the upcoming Heintje concert went on sale at the Canada Life Centre, all the worst seats were gone. “You’ve got to be quick on the draw if you want […]

Unger Games

Steinbach Mayor Wins Grand Slam of Butchering

January 12, 2026 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After fierce competition all week, Steinbach mayor Earl Funk came home with gold medal in the Grand Slam of Butchering this week. “His farmer sausages in the 8th end were what really did […]

Unger the Influence

Ottawa Disappointed with Gun Buyback Program in Mennonite Country

January 11, 2026 Andrew

ST. JACOB’S, ON The federal government was shocked and dismayed with the results after more than $1.2 billion were spent to buyback guns in Mennonite country, with very little success.  “After months of the Mennonite […]

Unger Games

Hutterite Women’s Hockey Team Totally Destroys Slumping Winnipeg Jets

January 9, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB By the time the first period was over, the Hutterite Women’s Hockey Team were already up eight nothing on the slumping Winnipeg Jets. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Jets forward Jonathan […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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