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The Daily Bonnet

Reopening Plan Allows Mennonites to Uncover their Ankles

June 21, 2021 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB There was much rejoicing in North Kildonan this week after the province announced plans to allow fully vaccinated Mennonites to walk around with their ankles exposed. “Oba, it’ll be such a relief,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Potluck Goers Prefer Mrs. Loewen’s Taco Salad to Mrs. Dueck’s

June 20, 2021 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON The evidence was clear: Mrs. Loewen’s taco salad is the taco salad of choice at Leamington EMBMBC church. After a recent potluck, Mrs. Dueck’s taco salad was left half-eaten while Mrs. Loewen’s was […]

The Daily Bonnet

Wooden Crokinole Pieces Now Trading at $69.99 Per Knipser

June 19, 2021 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK With the skyrocketing lumber prices, wooden knipsers are now trading at upwards of $70 a piece. “Well, Helen, would you look at that!” said Henry Warkentin, 64, of Swift Current. “We’ve got […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Child Forced to Miss ‘Wonderful World of Disney’ to Attend Evening Service

June 18, 2021 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Collin Berg, 7, of Mitchell, Manitoba had to miss The Wonderful World of Disney yet again this weekend in order to attend the EMBC faspa and evening service. “Now I’ll never know what happens […]

The Daily Bonnet

Snowbirds So Desperate to Get Out of Canada They’re Perfectly Willing to Suffer Through a Scorching Arizona Summer

June 17, 2021 Andrew

PHOENIX, AZ The Rempels of Winkler have not been able to leave the country in a year and a half, but now that travel may be a possibility for fully vaccinated individuals, they’re really looking […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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