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Unger & Thirst

Failure to Preheat the Oven Has Mennonite Family Scrambling for Chicken Chef

October 12, 2022 Andrew

CARMAN, MB The Hiebert family of Carman were all raring up for their first non-illegal Thanksgiving dinner in three years, when Taunte Helen’s failure to preheat the oven caused such a long delay that they […]

The Daily Bonnet

Uncouth Manitoban Carries Umbrella with Him All Over Abbotsford

October 11, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Manitoba man Colin Hiebert stood out like a sore thumb on his recent trip to Abbotsford as he hauled his umbrella all over town, while the hearty locals were more than tolerant of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Hundreds of Expired Chicken Chef Coupons Discovered in Mennonite Man’s Wallet

October 10, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Investigators have finally revealed just what was causing Mr. Neil Reimer’s wallet to grow to such an enormous size – Chicken Chef coupons. “It all makes sense now,” said lead investigator Sheena Plett. […]

Unger Suspicion

Americans Accuse Canada of “Premature Thankfulness”

October 9, 2022 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Millions of Americans have signed a petition to stop Canada from celebrating Thanksgiving early. “This premature thankfulness has got to stop,” said Mr. Frey of Elkhart, Indiana. “I’ve got some cousins up there […]

The Daily Bonnet

Outreach Event Fails After Toronto Mennonite Church Hosts Actual Blue Jay Watching Party

October 8, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Hundreds of locals stormed out of the Toronto Disunited Mennonite Church this week after they showed up for what they thought was going to be Game 1 of the MLB playoffs. “They told […]

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