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Unger Games

Unger Games

CFL Adds New ‘Mennonite Player Ratio’

June 22, 2019 Andrew

REGINA, SK In an effort to increase the diversity of the league, the Canadian Football League has just announced a new initiative that requires teams to have at least seven Mennonite players on the field […]

Unger Games

Toronto Reaches Trade Deal with St. Louis to Swap Trophies

June 14, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After stiff negotiations, the City of Toronto has reached a trade deal with the City of St. Louis to trade their NBA Championship Trophy for a Stanley Cup. “Of course, St. Louis doesn’t […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Sells His Toronto Raptors Seat to Buy $400,000 Combine

May 28, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON It was an offer he couldn’t refuse. When Mr. Wiens was offered almost half a million dollars for his court-side seat to Thursday’s game one of the NBA Finals in Toronto, it was […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Knipsbrat and Chill???’: Mennonite Woman Receives Late Night Text

April 16, 2019 Andrew

YARROW, BC Helen Poetker, 47, of Yarrow, BC received an unusual text from her on-again off-again boyfriend Heinrich this past week. The text, which was sent sometime after 1 in the morning said, “Been a […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Jets Players Required to Sleep with Plastic Sheets on their Beds

April 12, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After yet another horrid performance tonight, the mothers of all the Winnipeg Jets players have required their sons to sleep with plastic sheets on their beds from now on. “I know they’re grown […]

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