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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Phone Companies Reassure Canadians Exorbitant Bills Still Due During Postal Strike

November 21, 2024 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Millions of Canadians breathed a sigh of relief this week after they found out their devilishly-high phone bills would still arrive at their doorsteps like usual. “Don’t you worry your pretty little hearts […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Swifties to Exchange ‘Frintschoft’ Bracelets this Weekend

November 16, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Dozens of Mennonite Swifties have defied church orders and travelled from as far away as Aylmer and Leamington to attend a Taylor Swift concert in Toronto this weekend. “I’m going to hear about […]

Unger Suspicion

Elon Musk Offers $1 Million to Anyone Who Can Pry His Hands from Skinny Jeans

October 25, 2024 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA Billionaire Elon Musk is offering $1 million to anyone who is able to pry his hands from a particularly tight pair of skinny jeans he’s been sporting for the past year or […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg to Relocate Trains to Keep Out Worldly Influences

October 16, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Mennonites of southern Manitoba had it all figured out 150 years ago it seems. The City of Winnipeg is now considering the possibility of moving the rail yards out of the city. […]

Unger Suspicion

Perfumer Releases New ‘Urine and Weed’ Scent in Tribute to New York City

October 15, 2024 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY One of the nation’s top perfumers has just released a new scent, aptly called New York City, which is believed to be the first perfume to emulate the unmistakable musk of the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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