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Unger the Influence

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Worried Trump May Try to Capture Her Essential Oils

January 4, 2026 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Area woman Alexis Siemens, 33, has gone into hiding this weekend after she heard Trump was trying to take control of the nation’s essential oil supply. “No more Bible studies/essential oil sales parties […]

Unger the Influence

Arts Center to be Renamed ‘Trump Putin Epstein Tech Bros Robert E. Lee FIFA Gulf of America Kennedy Center’

December 30, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC In what critics are calling the “most tasteful renaming of a major American cultural institution in decades,” the Kennedy Center in Washington announced this week that they’d prefer it if people referred to […]

Unger the Influence

American Navy to Blockade Saskatchewan Oil Tankers

December 28, 2025 Andrew

REGINA, SK Millions of Americans have signed a petition urging the White House to blockade and seize, if necessary, all oil tankers in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan. “We need to immediately send in our […]

The Daily Bonnet

Carney Called Out for Utilizing ‘Plaudietsch’ Spelling

December 17, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON It’s the biggest scandal to hit the Carney government yet – spelling. In this case, Prime Minister Mark Carney sent out several memos in which he spelled everything in Plautdietsch. “And the worst […]

Unger the Influence

Liberals Just One Mennonite MP Away from Majority Government

December 15, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON With several defections in the last few weeks, the Liberals are now just one Mennonite MP away from a majority government and, of course, they’re looking for MPs who might be receptive to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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