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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Pepsi-Cola to Rebrand in Mennonite Country

August 1, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Due to slumping sales, Pepsi-Cola is undergoing a name and logo change in certain markets such as the Pembina Valley, Fraser Valley, Chihuahua and the Paraguayan Chaco. The cola will now officially be known […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Splash Park Offers Unique Way to Beat the Heat this Summer

July 31, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB With temperatures soaring above 30 degrees centigrade this summer, the City of Steinbach has announced a revolutionary new plan for residents to beat the heat. The city announced Monday that all the local […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Mafia to Branch into Legal Weed

July 23, 2017 Andrew

CHIHUAHUA, MEXICO With legalization of marijuana on the near horizon in Canada, the Mennonite mafia has decided to use their already well-established network of dealers to hawk legal weed. “Oba, we yust couldn’t pass app […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Discovers $1,000,000 in Deceased Grandma’s Margarine Containers

July 8, 2017 Andrew

WALDHEIM, SK Area woman Rebecca Rempel was helping to clean up her recently deceased grandmother’s house, when she made a discovery that changed the course of her life forever. On the upper floor of Grandma Rempel’s […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Couple Expands Their Palate at Mall Food Court

July 7, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local couple Arthur and Samantha Hiebert of North Kildonan are excited about the new culinary discoveries they’ve made at the Kildonan Place Shopping Centre food court. “I’ve never seen such a world of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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