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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Families Sign-Up to Bring Salads, Buns, and Measles to Upcoming Potluck

November 17, 2025 Andrew

SCHRATJLIJCH, MB The Schratjlijch Gospel Church is inviting everyone to stay after church this Sunday for a delicious potluck, including raisin buns, mashed potatoes, and a delectable array of Jell-o salads and measles. “You’re not […]

Unger & Thirst

Thieves Steal ‘Mennonite Crown Jewels’ in Brazen Daytime Heist

October 20, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB   Winkler, Manitoba, often called the Paris of the Pembina Valley, was the victim of a brazen daytime heist this week after balaclava-donning thieves on dirt bikes took off with Mrs. Reimer’s prized roll […]

Unger & Thirst

Silly Americans Don’t Even Realize it’s Thanksgiving

October 12, 2025 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN In a shocking turn of events, more than 300 million Americans went completely without Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. “There wasn’t even any pumpkin pie,” said Mrs. Eby of Kitchener, Ontario, who has been […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Wins Noble Peas Prize

October 10, 2025 Andrew

OSLO, NORWAY Mr. Abe Klassen of Rosthern has just been awarded the top prize for the most delicious, most noble peas in the world. “Just look at those green plump peas, slathered in butter,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins

October 4, 2025 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area woman Theresa Bueckert decided she’d change things up a little and add raisins to her bun dough this week. The results were, as expected, disastrous. “Oba, what was I thinking,” said Mrs. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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