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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Poor Air Quality Blamed on Gassy Mennonite Man

August 2, 2025 Andrew

RIVERTON, MB A summer full of unpleasant air has been blamed on Mr. Klassen and his penchant for eating too much cheese. “I knew the bad air was coming from up north. Probably Riverton or […]

Unger & Thirst

Epic Fail as Mennonite Woman Tries to Make Schmaunt Fat with Skim Milk

July 26, 2025 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Martens was in a hurry this afternoon and didn’t have time to extract the necessary cream from her dairy cow Daisy. Instead, she made her schmaunt fat using the skim milk she […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Discovers New Use for Ketchup

July 14, 2025 Andrew

NEUBERGTHAL, MB After 300 consecutive days consuming his glums vereniki with nothin but Taunte Lina’s schmaunt fat, area man Dave Kroeker, 41, decided to reach into the fridge for the French’s ketchup. “I don’t know […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Has Already Planted 25% of a Simon and Garfunkel Song

July 3, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area woman Olga Sawatzky, 61, is very impressed with her garden this year and says she’s especially excited to be one-quarter of a popular Simon and Garfunkel song. “Not that I listen to […]

Unger & Thirst

Dill Harvest Early this Year

July 2, 2025 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK After a nice stretch of warm weather and a lot of rain, the Swift Current dill harvest is already upon us. “It’s early this year, but that just means the pickles will […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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