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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Anabaptist Seminary Graduates a Record Five Calvinists

April 22, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The 2017 graduating class at South Goshen Mennonite Seminary has graduated a record number of Calvinists this year. “I must say, it’s been an upward trend toward Calvinism in the last few years,” […]

Unger Conviction

Hip New Church Bulletin Goes All Comic Sans

April 9, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The Winkler MCEMB Church board voted 6-1 to approve the use of a hip new font on their church bulletins called ‘Comic Sans.’ “We’re expecting big crowds at our services from now on,” […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Excommunicated for Switching to John Deere

March 27, 2017 Andrew

WARMAN, SK Local flax grower, Dwight Schultz, was excommunicated from the MEMC Church this past Sunday after he refused to submit to church authority and replace his John Deere tractor with a Massey Ferguson. “We […]

Unger Conviction

Thousands of Mennonites Miss Church Due to Time Change

March 12, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Mennonite churches across North America were half full this morning as thousands of church-goers slept in due to the time change. “My first thought, as it always is whenever attendance is low was, ‘oh, […]

Unger Conviction

Conservative Mennonite Church Accidentally Elects Female Elder

March 5, 2017 Andrew

KRONSFELD, MB For decades, members of South Kronsfeld Mennonite Church have faithfully followed the biblical model of deciding absolutely everything, including church leaders, by pulling names out of Mr. Wall’s hat. However, this practice has […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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