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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Christian Smokers Furious After Church Implements ‘No Re-Entry’ Policy

May 9, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Waters of Blessing, a Winnipeg-area megachurch, has recently announced that they will no longer allow people to re-enter the building once they have left. “We’re sick and tired of people leaving for a […]

Unger Conviction

Grandma Loewen’s Vibrato Triggers Massive Earthquake

May 8, 2017 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC A massive 7.2 earthquake struck the Fraser Valley this past Sunday. Local seismologists have traced the source of the quake to Mrs. Martha Loewen’s uncontrollable vibrato singing at the local Mennonite church. “We […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Earns $400,000 for Wall Street Sermon

May 4, 2017 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Retired Mennonite pastor Dave Froese of Alt-Bergfeld EMB just raked in more than $400,000 for an hour-long sermon on Ephesians 6 he gave at a meeting of Wall Street bankers. However, the […]

Unger Conviction

Which Steinbach Church Has the Best Coffee?

May 3, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB When selecting churches, the determining factor for many church-shoppers these days is not theology, doctrine, style of worship or even mode of baptism, but rather something significantly more important: the quality of the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Arrested for ‘Baptizing Under the Influence’

May 2, 2017 Andrew

STEINREICH, MB A local Mennonite pastor was arrested this past weekend for allegedly baptizing more than half a dozen people while in a state of mild intoxication. “Here in Manitoba we have a zero tolerance […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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