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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Hip New Church Bulletin Goes All Comic Sans

April 9, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The Winkler MCEMB Church board voted 6-1 to approve the use of a hip new font on their church bulletins called ‘Comic Sans.’ “We’re expecting big crowds at our services from now on,” […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Excommunicated for Switching to John Deere

March 27, 2017 Andrew

WARMAN, SK Local flax grower, Dwight Schultz, was excommunicated from the MEMC Church this past Sunday after he refused to submit to church authority and replace his John Deere tractor with a Massey Ferguson. “We […]

Unger Conviction

Thousands of Mennonites Miss Church Due to Time Change

March 12, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Mennonite churches across North America were half full this morning as thousands of church-goers slept in due to the time change. “My first thought, as it always is whenever attendance is low was, ‘oh, […]

Unger Conviction

Conservative Mennonite Church Accidentally Elects Female Elder

March 5, 2017 Andrew

KRONSFELD, MB For decades, members of South Kronsfeld Mennonite Church have faithfully followed the biblical model of deciding absolutely everything, including church leaders, by pulling names out of Mr. Wall’s hat. However, this practice has […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Brushes Up on His German to Read the Bible in Its ‘Original Language’

March 3, 2017 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Tired of the notoriously unreliable English translations, local man John B. Kornelsen of Kitchener has been relearning German in order to read the Bible in its original script. “You can’t rely on these […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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