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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Area Man Supports “Biblical Marriage” By Obtaining 700 Wives and 300 Concubines

June 11, 2025 Andrew

AUGUSTA, GA Staunch “Biblical literalist” Dave Wright, 61, has finally accomplished his goal of living out the model of marriage as clearly established in the Bible. “I’ve been collecting wives over the past few years […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Teens Survive Boring Sermon with New Nintendo Switch

June 7, 2025 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK More than a dozen teens at North Saskatoon Mennonite Church were caught hauling out their new Nintendo Switches this Sunday just as soon as Pastor Dave launched into his sermon on the eleventh […]

Unger Conviction

Pastor to Fight Epidemic of Mennonite Men Wearing Shorts in Church

June 1, 2025 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK After half the men in the congregation showed up in shorts this past Sunday, Pastor Carl is now enforcing the church’s long standing no shorts rule. “It’s been on the books for decades, […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Excited to Have a Brand New Pope to Disregard

May 8, 2025 Andrew

VATICAN CITY As the white smoke finally emerged from the Sistine Chapel, Mennonites across the globe waited with bated breath to find out just whose authority they would be rejecting for the next few years. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Scores with 1.6 Seconds Left Sending Sermon into Double Overtime

May 5, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB With just seconds to go in the service, Pastor Karl really laid home a particularly profound point about atonement that really got everyone fired up and eventually sent the sermon into double overtime. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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