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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Scores with 1.6 Seconds Left Sending Sermon into Double Overtime

May 5, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB With just seconds to go in the service, Pastor Karl really laid home a particularly profound point about atonement that really got everyone fired up and eventually sent the sermon into double overtime. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Fills Out Welcome Card in Pen, Fearing Usher Might Erase Prayer Requests

April 27, 2025 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Area man Craig Peters, 48, asked his wife Lauren to fill her purse with ballpoint pens this Sunday to make sure his prayer requests got through. “I hear if you fill out the […]

Unger Conviction

Lukewarm Christian Has Only One Conservative Sign in His Yard

April 25, 2025 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB Rumours are swirling this week after area man Dave Dueck demonstrated an insufficient level of enthusiasm for the Conservative Party of Canada. “Everyone else has Ted Falk signs popping up like weeds,” said […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church’s Shocking Peace Plan Revealed in Group Chat

March 26, 2025 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA A security blunder has revealed a Harrisonburg-area Mennonite church’s plans to spread peace and love in their community. “I can’t say who sent it to me,” said journalist Andrew Unger. “All I know […]

Unger Conviction

Church Dismantles Department of Sunday School Education, Citing High Cost of Flannelgraph Boards

March 25, 2025 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA The brand new pastor at North Harrisonburg Mennonite Church has taken the bold step of completely dismantling the entire Sunday school program, citing the high cost of flannelgraph boards, dry macaroni, and nontoxic […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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