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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Earns Place in Heaven after Attending Evening Service

February 25, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Local man Henry Harder has guaranteed himself a spot in Heaven after successfully attending those really boring Sunday evening church services for twenty years straight. “I’ve made it! I’ve finally made it!” shouted […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Dad’s Jokes Fall Flat at Local Smitty’s

February 24, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local father-of-four Jake Klassen received nothing but rolled eyes at the local Smitty’s this past Sunday after testing out his new comedy routine on the indulgent waitress. “Oh, gosh, Dad, please just order […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Mennonite Pickers’ Find Treasure Trove at Local Dump

February 24, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The local dump, or nuisance grounds as it’s commonly called by Mennonites, has provided quite the bounty of stupid crap for local pickers Arnold Loewen and Edna Dueck. “They don’t really like us […]

The Daily Bonnet

Stars of ‘Hymn Sing’: Where Are They Now?

February 23, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB For more than thirty years, Winnipeg singers delighted audiences on Sunday afternoons on the hit CBC television show ‘Hymn Sing’. Many former ‘Hymn Sing’ members have gone on to do great things. We’ve caught […]

Unger Suspicion

Public Uproar As Thousands of Refugees Descend on Western Canada

February 22, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Newspapers throughout Western Canada have published editorials and letters in strong opposition to the wave of refugees who desire to come into Canada. Here are a few things that people have said: “We […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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