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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Tim Allen to Star in New Show ‘Last Mennonite Standing’

September 27, 2018 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA After the on-again off-again relationship with broadcaster ABC, Tim Allen, born Tim Dick, has decided to take his talents elsewhere with a new sitcom called “Last Mennonite Standing.” In the new show Allen […]

Unger Conviction

Pastor’s Son to Take Over the Family Business

September 27, 2018 Andrew

HOUSTON, TX After announcing senior pastor Jim’s retirement from full-time ministry this past week, the Big Tex Gospel Church and Smokehouse in Houston has already chosen a successor to lead the church into the future. […]

Unger Suspicion

Portage and Main to be Accessed Exclusively by Blizzards and Ice Storms

September 26, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The votes are in and Winnipeg has decided overwhelmingly to restrict access to its most famous intersection to anything other than fierce winds, massive blizzards, devastating ice storms and maybe a tornado or […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Village Gets Downgraded to Darp Status

September 25, 2018 Andrew

PLAUTFELD, MB After losing it’s only remaining residents under the age of the sixty, the tiny Mennonite village of Plautfeld has officially been downgraded to darp. According to Manitoba government classifications the term “darp” is […]

Unger Conviction

It’s Official: Steinbach Now Has More Churches than People

September 24, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB While population figures have shown considerable growth in Steinbach over the past 5 years, locals were relieved to know that the city still has the highest church to people ratio in the country. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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