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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Accused of Wearing Makeup After Lipstick is Found on Husband’s Collar

November 3, 2018 Andrew

NEUANLAGE, SK Mrs. Neustadter of Neuanlage was hauled in by the church board this week after a bright red streak of lipstick was discovered on her husband’s collar. “I can’t believe that Mrs. Neustadter would […]

Unger & Thirst

Caf-Lib a Top Seller at Hip New Mennonite Coffee Shop

November 2, 2018 Andrew

REICHENBACH, MB Villagers in a small Mennonite town have been flocking to a new hip coffee shop called Oma’s Java Barn to get their hands on a cup of Oma’s delicious coffee substitute. “They can’t […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Breaks Five Teeth on Oma’s Rock Hard Papanat

November 1, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man Dick Brandt underwent emergency dental surgery this week after cracking four molars and an incisor on Oma Brandt’s notorious rock hard päpanät. “Diewel, Oma’s päpanät are hard yet,” exclaimed Mr. Brandt, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Old Colony Mennonites Confused for Trick-or-Treaters

October 31, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A group of Old Colony Mennonites were walking around Winkler today and, for some strange reason, people kept handing them Halloween candy. “One lady complemented me on my costume,” said Corny Wall, visiting […]

Unger Conviction

Sunday School Teacher Becomes Stuck to Flannelgraph Board

October 30, 2018 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Parademics had to be called to the local Kleine Gemeinde church this past week after grade 2 Sunday School teacher Annie Friesen, 76, became stuck to the flannelgraph board. “We get flannelgraph-related calls […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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