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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Felix Manz, Forgotten Second Rebaptizer, Declared “Buzz Aldrin” of the Anabaptists

January 22, 2025 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND In the Mennonite world, absolutely everyone knows the name of George Blaurock, the first person to get rebaptized way back in 1525. We all sat around our television sets as he ventured into […]

Unger the Influence

Cold Washington Weather Moves Inauguration to Winnipeg

January 21, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB It was a bit too chilly in DC this week, so much so that the inauguration had to be moved to a more suitable climate – Winnipeg. “Everyone knows January is the best […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Celebrates 500 Years of Anabaptism By Getting Baptized 500 Times

January 20, 2025 Andrew

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS Devout Mennonite and local tulip farmer Aldert Alderliesten decided he would commemorate 500 years of Anabaptism by setting the Guinness World Record for most successive baptisms. “The previous record was George Blaurock in […]

Unger Suspicion

“There’s nothing to do in this town,” says man who does nothing anyway

January 19, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area resident Dave Friesen, 22, is of the opinion that there’s absolutely “nothing to do” in his small 20,000-person city of Steinbach and vows to stay huddled up in his mom’s basement playing […]

Unger Conviction

Chaos Erupts in Church Kitchen After Label Maker Goes On the Fritz

January 16, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB It was absolute mayhem in the Third Mennonite Church basement in Winkler this week after the trusty old Dymo label maker finally kicked the bucket. “Slowly but surely the labels had been falling […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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