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Articles by Andrew

Unger Games

Portage and Main Pedestrians Fuel Rumours Jets Won the Cup

June 28, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Rumours about a Winnipeg Jets Stanley Cup victory have been spreading this weekend after pedestrians were spotted crossing Portage and Main for the first time since the mid-70s. “People above ground at Portage […]

The Daily Bonnet

Marge Simpson to be Buried in Rural Saskatchewan

June 27, 2025 Andrew

HERBERT, SK Beloved blue-haired mother-of-three Marge Simpson will be buried this week in a family plot near Herbert, Saskatchewan. “We ask that the public is respectful at this time of mourning for the Simpson family,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man to Hold the Exact Same Opinion About Everything for the Next Fifty Years

June 26, 2025 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Area man Garth Martens has reached the age of 31, which means he will now settle all his opinions and judgments of taste and not diverge from these for the rest of […]

Unger Games

Steinbacher Shocked at Lack of Honda Civics in New F1 Movie

June 25, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local Main Street racer Collin Dueck, 26, was really looking forward to the new F1 movie, but has come away more confused than ever. “I’ve been a professional racer for almost a decade […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Emerges All Cool and Trendy After Hip Replacement

June 24, 2025 Andrew

MORDEN-WINKLER, MB Area man Timothy Reimer, 69, has emerged from a hip replacement surgery as the hippest man in all of Reinland. “I no longer listen to gospel quartets. From now on it’s all Kendrick […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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