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Articles by Andrew

Unger the Influence

Elon Musk Accidentally Fires Himself

February 18, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC President Musk has been so busy haphazardly cutting government workers that he inadvertently fired himself this afternoon. “And the problem is it all happened so fast that now I can’t even hire myself […]

Unger Conviction

They’ve Totally Changed All the Lyrics to 606

February 17, 2025 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA After opening up their hymnals for the first time in several years, parishioners at the Central Harrisonburg Mennonite Church were mortified to discover that they’d totally changed nearly every single word in the […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Winkler Costco to Open Up on West End of Winnipeg

February 16, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Winkler is finally getting its own Costco store, which will be conveniently located just an hour and a half away in Winnipeg. “Finally, Winkler’s getting a Costco!” proclaimed local man John Penner. “It’s […]

Unger Games

Hutterite Colony Team to Join NHL’s 4 Nations Face-Off

February 12, 2025 Andrew

BAKER COLONY, MB After dominating play throughout southern Manitoba in recent years, a Hutterite women’s hockey team has signed on as a last minute addition to the NHL’s 4 Nations Face-Off. “We’re calling it 5 […]

Unger Conviction

Canadian Hockey Fans Boo Hymn 606

February 10, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Things got pretty heated at a Toronto church this Sunday morning after a group of Mennonites started booing right in the middle of Hymn 606. “It’s the Mennonite anthem, right?” said attendee Jakob […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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