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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Outreach Event Fails After Toronto Mennonite Church Hosts Actual Blue Jay Watching Party

October 8, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Hundreds of locals stormed out of the Toronto Disunited Mennonite Church this week after they showed up for what they thought was going to be Game 1 of the MLB playoffs. “They told […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Churches to Settle Decades-long Feud with Cornhole Tournament

October 6, 2022 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Mennonites across Elkhart County have been honing their beanbag tossing skills this week in preparation for the Cornhole Tournament to End All Cornhole Tournaments to be held at First Goshen Mennonite Church. At […]

The Daily Bonnet

Kinky Mennonite Couple to Try 606ing Tonight

October 5, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After spending the weekend visiting some GCer friends in Indiana, MBers Marge and Albert Wiens are eager to get home and “try out 606” for themselves. “All weekend long, our General Conference friends […]

Unger Games

Canadian Supreme Court Rules ‘Curling is a Real Sport’

October 4, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled today that “curling is actually a real sport, eh.” “Weighing all the evidence, it’s quite clear that curling is a sport,” said Judge […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Writer Stuck in Goshen After Missing Last Buggy Out of Town

October 3, 2022 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The population of Goshen, Indiana soared to 34,518 this weekend, a full one person higher than the 2020 census, after Mennonite/s Writing conference attendee Andrew Unger lost track of time and missed the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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