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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Launches New Program to Care for Feral Mennonites

January 9, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area woman, Lois Wiebe, has been caring for Mennonites her whole life. Wiebe, 37, has more than fifteen Mennonites in her house and the number keeps growing since she’s taken in a few […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Starts Innovative New Jazz Label ‘EMC Records’ Guaranteed to Have No Sax

January 8, 2024 Andrew

GDANSK, POLAND Local jazz enthusiast Manfred Engbrecht has just launched a brand new record label called “EMC Records”, with a mandate to produce innovative jazz recordings without any sax. “We want to create jazz that […]

Unger & Thirst

McDonald’s Installs New Extra Uncomfortable Furniture to Prevent Mennonite Men from Sitting Around All Day Drinking Coffee

January 7, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area man Albert Plett, 51, smashed the record at his local McDonald’s restaurant this week by becoming the first person ever to make it through five McNuggets and a handful of fries without […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman’s Sour Cream Container Shockingly Contains Sour Cream

January 6, 2024 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Mrs. Nettie Rogalsky of Saskatoon shocked fellow residents at Menno Dreams Retirement Home this week after it was revealed that all the sour cream containers in her freezer contained, well, sour cream. “I’ve […]

Unger Suspicion

Marty McFly Goes Back 30 Years to the Mysterious World of 1994

January 5, 2024 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Teenage time traveller Marty McFly has just gone back in time 30 years to the strange world of 1994 where things were, like, slightly different than they are now.  “Wow, the ‘90s! How […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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