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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Innovative New Packaging Only Openable with Teeth

September 17, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The resigned packaging for a popular brand of throat lozenges features new “easy to open packaging” that cannot be opened without your teeth. “We’ve specially designed this package to be shred open with […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Discovers Huge Selection of “Cooking Wine” at Local LC

September 16, 2025 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Area woman Lois Buhler, 51, was utterly amazed by the selection of top shelf Italian, French, and Spanish wine at her local LC this week. “Wow, the ladies around here cook with the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Entire City of Steinbach Baptized this Week

September 15, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The prayers of Omas and Opas across Steinbach were finally answered this week as all the remaining folks who had yet to be baptized were greeted with a deluge. “I was hoping to […]

Unger the Influence

Carney Enlists the Amish to Address Canada’s Housing Crisis

September 14, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Fresh from high level cabinet meetings, Prime Minister Mark Carney has come up with a brand new plan to address the nation’s housing crisis–hire the Amish. “I’m sure they can raise a few […]

Unger Conviction

Sticky Tack Holds Poster to Wall for Record 5 Minutes

September 12, 2025 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX When Mrs. Doerksen left her Sunday School room for a couple minutes this afternoon, she was shocked to discover that one of the posters was still stuck to the wall. “Of course, it […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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