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Articles by Andrew

Unger Games

Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville

April 5, 2026 Andrew

TABER, AB The local arena in Taber, Alberta is getting a major upgrade after winning Kraft Hockeyville this week. “We’ve been flooding the rink with leftover schmaunt fat for years,” said arena manager Susie Plett. […]

Unger Games

Peters “Makes It to First Base” Giving Hope to Young Men Across Winkler

April 4, 2026 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Rumours are swirling in Winkler this week after Chicago White Sox outfielder Tristan Peters became the first Mennonite ever and first Manitoban in almost twenty years to make to first base. The news […]

Unger Suspicion

Pam Bondi Offered Promising New Career in Multilevel Marketing

April 3, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC It didn’t take long for recently unemployed Attorney General Pam Bondi to land on her feet. “The church ladies have always got your back,” said Bondi. “Everyone was coming up to me in […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Children Excited for Annual Paska Bun Hunt

April 2, 2026 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON The Koops gathered in Leamington this Sunday for the annual Koop Paska bun hunt. This year the delicious white icing was delicately applied by Oma Koop right before the uncles hid the buns […]

The Daily Bonnet

8 Mennonite Families from Mexico Establish New Colony on Moon

April 1, 2026 Andrew

CAMPO 606, MOON More than 50 years after the Englishers did it, 8 Mennonites families from Mexico have finally landed on the moon, where they quickly established their most remote colony yet. “That’s one small […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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