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Month: December 2025

Unger Conviction

Dunkers Switch to Pouring After Water Main Break in Calgary

December 31, 2025 Andrew

CALGARY, AB All 7 Mennonite Brethren churches in Calgary have changed their mode of baptism this week after a main break significantly reduced water supply in the city. “We’re just doing our part,” said Pastor […]

Unger the Influence

Arts Center to be Renamed ‘Trump Putin Epstein Tech Bros Robert E. Lee FIFA Gulf of America Kennedy Center’

December 30, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC In what critics are calling the “most tasteful renaming of a major American cultural institution in decades,” the Kennedy Center in Washington announced this week that they’d prefer it if people referred to […]

Unger the Influence

American Navy to Blockade Saskatchewan Oil Tankers

December 28, 2025 Andrew

REGINA, SK Millions of Americans have signed a petition urging the White House to blockade and seize, if necessary, all oil tankers in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan. “We need to immediately send in our […]

Unger & Thirst

Lottery Winner Given Rare Box of Christmas Oranges That Aren’t Stale or Rotten

December 26, 2025 Andrew

ALTONA, MB A small ceremony was held at the Altona Co-op this afternoon where Mrs. Neufeld was awarded a box of non-rotten and non-stale Christmas origins. “Wow, did you see that?” said Mrs. Kroeker, completely […]

The Daily Bonnet

Fancy City Mennonites Excited for their Giant Paper Bags Filled with Edamame

December 25, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Blame allergies or changing tastes, but the Mennonites of Winnipeg have now decided to fill paper bags filled with edamame instead of peanuts this year. “We’re also offering macadamia and pine nuts,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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