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Month: March 2025

Unger Conviction

Carney’s Speech Rated Just 2% More Exciting than Mennonite Pastor’s Sermon

March 20, 2025 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB University of La Crete Sociologist Dr. Pete Peters, who has spent more than 30 years studying audience engagement with public speakers, has found that Mark Carney’s speeches are a full 2% more exciting […]

The Daily Bonnet

Astronauts Return to Earth After 9 Months Trapped in Conversation at Mennonite Couple’s Doorway

March 18, 2025 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK Butch and Suni have finally returned home, after nine long months trapped in conversation at the Klassen’s doorway in the tiny Mennonite town of Rosthern, Saskatchewan. “There’s always a risk when you send […]

Unger the Influence

Pierre Poilievre to Reintroduce Carbon Tax Just So He Has Something to Scrap

March 17, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON With a federal election on the horizon, Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre is looking to bring back the unpopular carbon tax just so he can make a very dramatic display of scrapping it. “It’s […]

Unger Suspicion

Bargain-Hungry Shoppers Flock to the Wrong Hudson Bay

March 16, 2025 Andrew

CHURCHILL, MB With rumours swirling that Hudson Bay may be going into creditor protection and liquidating their assets, thousands of customers made the 1500 km trek from Winnipeg to get their hands on some amazing […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Quickly Performs Her Own ‘Cabinet Shuffle’ Before Guests Arrive

March 14, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Inspired by the Prime Minister’s new cabinet, Mrs. Elsie Froese of Winkler decided to shift everything around a little bit in her own cabinet so the Wiebes wouldn’t spot her bottle of 2019 […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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