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Month: December 2024

Unger Games

Mennonite Runner Turns Map Into Giant Dancing Dill Pickle

December 9, 2024 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Area man Gabe Eby, 29, has been jogging all over KW during the past few months creating patterns on his running app that his fellow Mennonites will find recognizable and comforting. “At first […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Praying for Snow Day So They Can Miss Church Tomorrow

December 8, 2024 Andrew

CALGARY, AB With snow beginning to accumulate on Saturday evening, Mennonites across southern Alberta were hoping for a snow day on Sunday morning. “Oh would you look at that coming down,” said Dave Krahn of […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Couple Enrol Kids in Immersion School Thinking it’s a Baptismal Class

December 7, 2024 Andrew

STE. ANNE, MB When the Kehlers of the R.M. of Ste. Anne discovered a new baptismal class in the area, they immediately signed their kids up for classes. “You know, we’d prefer a pouring class, […]

Unger the Influence

Mennonites Unimpressed with Obvious Attempt to Buy Vogts

December 6, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON With money and tax breaks flowing out of Ottawa like a von Riesen out of 16th-century Friesland, several Mennonites are wondering whether this whole thing might just be a feeble attempt to buy […]

Unger the Influence

“Nah, we’re good”: Winnipeg Excluded from Plan to Make Canada the 51st US State

December 4, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A committee of 12 American delegates have arrived in Canada this week in hopes of adding a significant amount of territory to the American empire. “Everything was going okay until we arrived in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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