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Month: December 2024

Unger the Influence

Canada to Exchange Jordan Peterson for Noam Chomsky

December 14, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Canada’s leading right wing intellectual Jordan Peterson will be heading south this week in exchange for Noam Chomsky. “They were eager to get rid of Chomsky, and we could do without Peterson,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Treasure Trove of Frozen Treats Discovered in Deceased Grandma’s Freezer

December 13, 2024 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK Derek Wiens, 42, was helping clean up his Oma’s apartment building this week when he stumbled upon an entire freezer packed to the brim with frozen treats. “It’s like she was reaching across […]

Unger Suspicion

Police Arrest the Wrong Luigi

December 12, 2024 Andrew

ALTOONA, PA A nationwide manhunt has ended in the arrest of a tall handsome moustachioed plumber named Luigi. “I’m innocent, I tell you, innocent,” yelled Luigi as he was taken into custody by Altoona police/koopa […]

Unger & Thirst

Banana Turns Brown Mere Seconds After Entering House

December 11, 2024 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Tina Yoder, 61, of Elkhart had just got out of the theology class she’s been auditing, when she decided she needed to stop by at the grocery store for a few items before […]

Unger Suspicion

Moscow Opens Lovely New 55+ Apartments for Retired Dictators

December 10, 2024 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA The friendly staff at Kuntsevo Independent Living Community in Moscow are welcoming brutal dictators from around the world to experience the comforts and ease of retirement at their lovely new campus. “Each suite […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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