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Month: August 2024

The Daily Bonnet

Radical Mennonite Woman Pairs Sausage with Potatoes

August 20, 2024 Andrew

DALMENY, SK In a radical departure from centuries of Mennonite tradition, area woman Ruth Plett, 51, decided to throw a ring of formavorscht in with the potatoes this Tuesday afternoon. “I didn’t feel like pinching […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Makes it Big on Broadway … Winnipeg

August 19, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG,MB It has been the lifelong dream of Altona’s Darren Loewen to make it on Broadway. Loewen caught the bug after playing Tevye in W.C. Miller Collegiate’s 1996 production of Fiddler on the Roof. “I’ve […]

Unger Suspicion

Volkswagen Replaces Key Fob With Giant Red Panic Button

August 18, 2024 Andrew

WOLFSBURG, GERMANY Disappointed that not enough people were accidentally setting off their car alarms, Volkswagen has replaced the entire key fob with one giant red panic button. “Customers were complaining that the placement of the […]

Unger Conviction

Only Two More Weeks Until Mennonites Have to Go Back to Church

August 17, 2024 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Mennonites across Western Canada are enjoying their last two weeks of freedom before they have to start going back to church in fall. “It’s nice to have summers off,” said Erika Peters at […]

Unger Conviction

Church Basement Chair Recruited To Help Change Lightbulb

August 16, 2024 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN How many Mennonites does it take to change a lightbulb? Two … plus one of those wooden church basement chairs. For centuries Mennonites have called upon the wooden church basement chair to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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